letting go

I am finally letting go of all the hate and resentment i had towards you. All of the negativity i felt for you, and everything i was mad at you for. I am finally letting go of all of that. How am i ever going to really forgive you, if i cant let go of how mad i am at you. As much as i tried to convince myself that i forgave you before, i was holding so much animosity towards you. But its okay, because i finally figured everything out. I was so mad at you, for making me think that it was ever my fault that we failed. I was mad at all the rumors and i was mad at myself for not knowing the difference between the truth and the lies. It should never have gotten to the point where i didnt know who to believe. &with that, we were both at fault. I was doing an article for the newspaper about long term relationships, and i had to interview a few couples about how they made their relationships last so long. A couple i remember specifically, was dom and victoria. "We get over our arguments quickly" "we care about how each other feels" And as i was doin the interview, it dawned on me. They were on the same page. Something that you and me never were. We never agreed on most things, we argued constantly and could never let anything go, and sometimes we treated our relationship more like a game. There were too many rules, we forgot what it felt like to be in love. We forgot to let our guards down, and give in, just be in the relationship. And thats where i blame myself. I got too involved in the fact that i wanted so bad for you to realize what you were putting me through, and how much i wanted you to see my side of things, i simply forgot how to let things be. I got too caught up. I was too worried about what everyone else was saying, i let it get the best of me. Whether or not the allegations were true, the fact still remains. We lacked a lot of things a healthy relationship should obtain. &i am finally letting go of trying to hold on. Out of all of my relationships, i would have to say i learned the most from this one. About myself, and about the hardships of being with another person. No regrets honestly, just many lessons learned.